i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
