Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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