Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
