i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have tasted many bathrooms
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
