My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
