I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
