why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
