Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
there is glitter all over my balls
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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