dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
