You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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