Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
