dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
