Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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