remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
