I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
