Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
