I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
