70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
