I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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