I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My ATM looks so different sober.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
