dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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