shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
