Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
