I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
