i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
