david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
