K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I didn't shave. On purpose
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
