Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
