I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
