And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
a search helicopter?!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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