I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
