I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
