Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just took my morning after pill in the library
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
