I'm so fucking centered right now
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
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You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He? As in you personified your dick?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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