Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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