'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
