I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My balls are so social today.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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