i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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