new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
