Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
did i walk over a car last night?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize