Sry I called you an 8
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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