Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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