so explain again why im purple
no
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
