It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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