where does the pee come out of this thing
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
