This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
