1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
