So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize