he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
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