she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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