Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
