Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
