no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
