U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
