You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
