NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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