I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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