She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
