left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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