dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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