last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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